Mirrors

My beautiful mother having a conversation with baby Luke 2006

A long time ago I read (somewhere) that infant humans begin to recognize themselves by observing their caregivers' facial expressions, vocal, and bodily cues. Thus, mother, father, and grandma act as mirrors to the young child, revealing who he is.  As a mother holds her newborn and smiles, speaking in the dulcet tones of motherese, she may elicit a fleeting smile from her baby. When it happens, the mother's smile brightens--she mirrors back what the child has done:  You smiled! How wonderful! How I love you!

We become through connection. 

I do not think that the "mirror" effect stops in infancy. I believe that we act as mirrors to one another our entire lives. This is why it hurts so much to be around people who speak to us in angry tones or who act coldly or who turn their backs on us--this is the power of connection. All through our lives the people around us communicate what they think about who we are via bodily messages: you are delightful, bright, beautiful, good, or you are horrible, stupid, ugly, bad.

The greatest gift I can give to another person is positive connection:

• I see you
• I like who you are
• You belong with me

I learned about a beautiful song from the book I am reading (Connecting With Young Children: Educating the Will, by Stephen Spitalny). It is called, No Mirrors in My Nana's House, by Ysaye Barnwell, 1992 (Sweet Honey In the Rock):

There were no mirrors in my Nana's house.
And the beauty that I saw in everything was in her eyes.
I never knew that my skin was too black.
I never knew that my nose was too flat.
I never knew that my clothes didn't fit.
I never knew there were things that I'd missed.
'Cause the beauty in everything was in her eyes.
The world outside was a magical place.
I only knew love.
I never knew hate.
And the beauty in everything was in her eyes.